What loud, obnoxious and unattractive Americans stop you on street corners for.

I harbour a deep distrust of my memory, so I scrambled up some stairs to write this post. I now have a big bruise on my knee. Bless.


I was rushing through the labyrinth of Hell-noise that is Hanoi when this giant of a tourist, rudely and expertly, manouvered his belly into my path. He was dressed in khaki with a bum bag of matching hue, that did little to compliment his girth.


Man, in American twang: "OMG, you were sitting next to us at that cafe around the corner!!"


Me: *Dumbly trying to locate this remarkable place in recent history*


Man: "It's the one with marble tables , near the cathedral, I mean, it's like POW here *arm gestures* and the cathedral is POW here."


Me: "Ok, well yeah...I was there a few minutes ago"


Man: "Yeah, the one that's listed as an Australian hot spot in the American Lonely Planet, you know?"


Me: *Panicked and wondering how he had known I was Australian*


Man: "What are you doing here? Studying or travelling?"


Me: "Travelling."


Man: "REALLY? Wow!"


Me: *Uncomfortably* "And you?"


Man: "I'm American."


Me: "Oh"


Silence.


Man: "Have you seen the big cross in dedicated to all those fallen Australian men? You know, it was such a tragedy. POW- two-hundred men in a couple of hours. Real tragedy. I was there with them in in my 20s. Good guys, good guys. They had....


*Man pauses and reaches arm towards the sky in invocation*


....they had great morale. They liked a good drink, good laugh, no BS, you know. They were...they were real Mel Gibson types, you know..."


Me: "Oh yeah, yeah...he's a great ambassador.."


Man: "He's a great guy, Mel...


*Man stares off into the distance in contemplation of this fact*


"...You know, he got into some trouble recently. He was drunk, that's all. They say he said some anti-Jewish, anti-semitic things, but it was a stitch-up, you know? They were just angry because they made this film, Passion of the Christ. Total stitch-up.......


Me: ....uh....


Man: "But yeah, I agree, he's made some great movies"


Me: "Have a good day"


Man: "Yeah, you too, you too! God BLESS. GOD BLESS."
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War is bad, guys- it turns out people like this.